i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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