I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
