woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We are two peas in an std pod
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
