That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Terrible idea I love it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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