We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
