she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
