Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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