high people should be assigned attendants
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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