I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
