Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize