May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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