it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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