Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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