someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.