But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter