forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed