He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
