I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.