You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.