can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
