You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
