1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
