I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
