I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
