dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
