my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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