I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
