How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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