textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dick very happy bro
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
