Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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