I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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