EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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