my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
