After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
