If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
