I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
