i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
