The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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