I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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