So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize