this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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