At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
