He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
