plz talk dirty to me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
