speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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