Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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