I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
