his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
