Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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