So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
