Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
