she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's never too late to be topless.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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