I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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