let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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