So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
