We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am naked and annoyed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
