Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
