is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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