apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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