Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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