Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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