ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
