i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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