Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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