Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
