I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
