Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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