Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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