Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
